Breaking Free from Self-Abandonment
In this amazing journey of self-discovery, healing, and personal growth, one of the most common challenges that women often face is Self-Abandonment.
Are you used to neglecting your own needs, feelings, and desires, to prioritize others at the expense of your well-being? When you do this, your inner self becomes numb and you begin to fade. In other words, you abandon yourself. Keep Reading to know more about self-abandonment and how to break free from this self-destructive pattern.
Self-abandonment can manifest in different forms, from people-pleasing to constantly seeking external validation. However, the path to empowerment begins with understanding this and practicing new habits and behaviors to change it, and mainly, loving yourself completely.
What is Self-Abandonment?
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Self-abandonment is a pattern of behavior in which a person neglects their own needs, desires, and well-being to prioritize the needs and expectations of others. It involves a disconnection from one’s feelings, thoughts, and identity, often to the detriment of their mental, emotional, and physical health.
When you abandon yourself you disconnect from your true self and silence your inner voice. This behavior also comes with the suppression of your needs to meet the expectations and demands of others.
Forms of Self-Abandonment
This self-sacrificing and destructive behavior usually manifests in different and interconnected ways:
1- People-Pleasing
People pleasers often have difficulty declining requests or saying no, even when it’s not in their best interest. They fear disappointing or upsetting others. They frequently put the needs of others before their own, neglecting self-care, and their own emotional and physical well-being. That is why they end up taking on more responsibilities or tasks than they can handle, often feeling overwhelmed by trying to meet everyone’s needs.
People-pleasing and self-abandonment are closely related behaviors that often go hand in hand.
Read more about People Pleasing HERE: How do you Heal from People Pleasing?Â
2- Seeking External Validation
This behavior is also rooted in a lack of self-worth and a disconnection from one’s own needs and feelings. Women who rely on others’ approval and praise to feel good about themselves have very low self-esteem and a diminished sense of self-worth.
They seek validation from others as a way to fill the void of self-worth they may lack internally and because they haven’t already learned self-acceptance and self-love.
Also, they engage in people-pleasing or self-abandonment often avoiding conflict at all costs. They may suppress their own opinions or needs to maintain harmony in relationships.
3- Ignoring Your Feelings
By dismissing or suppressing your emotions, you fail to address your emotional well-being, which leads to self-abandonment.
Ignoring your feelings shows a reluctance to engage in self-reflection or introspection. It means you’re avoiding the opportunity to understand the root causes of your emotions and to understand yourself better, to be able to take care of yourself, since emotional well-being is a crucial aspect of self-care.
When you ignore your feelings, you’re not tending to your emotional health, which can lead to stress, anxiety, and other negative emotional consequences. Pushing down your emotions and pretending everything is fine, even when you’re hurting or upset is a clear form of self abandonment.
4- Avoiding assertive communication
Assertive communication involves expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs honestly and respectfully. Sincere communication requires being true to yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings authentically.
Avoiding assertive communication often involves suppressing your authentic self and conforming to what you think others want or expect, ignoring your needs.
The most common reason for avoiding assertive communication is the fear of rejection, conflict, or disapproval from others. This fear can lead you to abandon your wants and boundaries to maintain a perceived sense of harmony or acceptance.
5- Neglecting Self-Care
Self-care involves taking deliberate actions to maintain and improve your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. When you neglect self-care, you are essentially neglecting yourself and it means self-abandonment.
The actions to maintain self-care involve self-nurturing, getting enough rest, eating nutritiously, and staying hydrated, among many more. When you neglect these basic needs, you’re abandoning your physical well-being.
Self-care also involves recognizing and addressing your emotional needs. Neglecting self-care may mean ignoring your feelings, not seeking emotional support when needed, and suppressing emotions as mentioned above.
Failing to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being because you’re too focused on others is another easy way to be a self-abandoner.
What is the cause of Self-Abandonment?
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The main cause of self-abandonment is usually trauma. And are often internal since are related to a person’s thoughts and emotions, but also external, influenced by the environment and relationship dynamics. Let’s explain more about the causes:
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Past Trauma:
Experiences of past trauma, such as abuse or neglect, lead to self-abandonment as is common that the person has learned to disconnect from their own emotions as a survival mechanism.
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Low Self-Esteem:
When a person has very low self-esteem, they may believe at some point that they are not worthy of care and self-attention and that they have to neglect their own needs and feelings to have value and be loved.
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Fear of Rejection:
A fear of rejection or disapproval from others can drive women to abandon their own needs and desires to maintain acceptance and avoid conflict.
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Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics:
In unhealthy or codependent relationships, women may prioritize the needs of others at the expense of their well-being to maintain the relationship.
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Perfectionism:
The endless pursuit of perfection can lead to self-abandonment as women sacrifice self-care and well-being to meet impossibly high standards and think they are never enough.
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Lack of Self-Awareness:
As a response to trauma and lack of self-knowledge, some people may not be fully aware of their own needs, feelings, and boundaries. They may neglect themselves simply because they don’t recognize what they require for self-care.
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Fear of Conflict:
The avoidance of conflict and confrontation can lead women to suppress their own opinions and needs to maintain peace.
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Childhood Conditioning:
Women who have grown up in difficult situations or with immature or emotionally unavailable parents received messages in their childhood about being “selfish” for prioritizing their needs or didn’t teach them how to pay attention to them.
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Seeking External Validation:
Relying on external validation and approval to feel self-worth can lead to self-abandonment, as women neglect self-validation.
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Society standards:
Our society and cultural expectations can influence self-abandonment, since they suppose that women have to prioritize others, be nurturing, don’t act selfish, etc.
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Stress:
Overwhelming life circumstances or high levels of stress can lead to self-abandonment as individuals focus on external demands and neglect self-care.
The Impact of Self-Abandonment
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Self-abandonment can have a very negative impact on your life. It leads to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
You might find yourself in unhealthy relationships, experiencing burnout, and feeling disconnected from your own identity.
The consequences of self-abandonment can also extend to physical health issues and limit your personal and professional growth.
Breaking Free from Self-Abandonment
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Embrace Your Authentic Self:
Reconnect with your inner self. Discover your passions, values, and desires. Embracing your authenticity is a powerful antidote to self-abandonment.
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Work on Self-awareness:
The first step is acknowledging that self-abandonment is a problem. Self-awareness empowers you to recognize when you’re neglecting your own needs in favor of others.
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Set healthy Boundaries:
Learn to say no when necessary and establish healthy boundaries. Prioritizing self-care doesn’t mean you’re selfish, it’s essential for your well-being.
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Practice Self-Compassion:
Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you offer others. Recognize that you deserve love and care, just as much as anyone else.
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Seek Support:
Share your feelings and experiences with trusted friends, a therapist, or a life coach. They can provide guidance and encouragement on your journey to self-love.
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Validate yourself:
Nobody knows better for you than yourself. Learn to validate your decisions, preferences, thoughts, and inner voice, even with the risk of making mistakes- Success is not about meeting others’ expectations; it’s about pursuing your dreams and goals.
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Accept yourself as you are:
Self-abandonment often involves self-criticism and harsh self-judgment. Accepting yourself as you are means acknowledging your inherent worth and that you are deserving of love and care, even with your imperfections.
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Take time for yourself:
By taking time for yourself, you can reconnect with your inner self, identify your needs, and learn to address them healthily and constructively.
Self-abandonment is very common in women’s lives, so if you are one of them, know that you have the power to break free from this pattern and embrace self-love and self-empowerment.
To get guidance and support in the process of breaking free from self-abandonment, Book a Free Life Coaching Session Now with our certified life coaches! They will work with you and guide you on how to end with this pattern.
Read More about Life Coaching  HERE.
