How do you heal from people pleasing?
Are you a people pleaser? If you feel like you always have to be doing everything for others, you don’t set boundaries, and you sacrifice yourself so that others get what they want, because you think that otherwise you won’t be loved or valued, you probably are.
Perhaps at first, it might not seem wrong to be considerate and take others’ needs into account, but when you start feeling bad about it and you set aside your own needs, self-care, and well-being, it brings about many negative consequences.
In a world that often emphasizes the importance of being agreeable and seeking approval from others, the struggle of people-pleasing is a common challenge many women face. Learning how to heal from the tendencies of people-pleasing is essential for personal growth, genuine relationships, and overall well-being. We tell you more In this article!
Understanding People-Pleasing
People-pleasing is often rooted in a fear of rejection or conflict and involves prioritizing the needs and desires of others over one’s own. This pattern can be recognized in both men and women but is always more common in a woman because is also related to social expectations and what the woman represents in old paradigms.
Being a people pleaser can manifest in various ways, from saying yes to everything to suppressing one’s opinions and feelings to maintain harmony. While the intention may be to gain approval and avoid confrontation, people-pleasing often leads to negative consequences since it means repressing your individuality.
Consequences of People-Pleasing
Being a people pleaser can have significant consequences in your life since it affects both your mental health and emotional well-being. Let’s start:
Losing you as a person:
Seeking validation from others and not validating yourself as a woman can cause you to lose touch with your desires, values, and beliefs. This a recipe for emptiness and confusion, being more prone to manipulation and the loss of individuality.
Feeling Overwhelmed
Giving until resentment can cause you to be emotionally drained all the time. The effort expended in trying to meet the expectations of others increases stress, anxiety, and even burnout.
Toxic Relationships
People-pleasers usually attract imbalanced or narcissistic relationships, as they tend to attract those who take advantage of their nature and forget about their needs to fulfill the needs of their partner. This relationship is rooted in fear instead of true love and connection.
Learn more about Healthy Relationships HERE!
Not evolving as a person
When you constantly focus on pleasing other people, it’s as if you’re putting your own life on hold; that’s why your growth process is affected and nullified.
Resentment and Rage
Since we all have personal needs and desires, by constantly disregarding them to please others, an unconscious ball of anger and resentment builds up inside, which later surfaces at inconvenient times, leaving you puzzled. Resentment is a natural outcome of that unhealthy way of relating, which needs to be addressed and changed.
Steps for Healing from People-Pleasing
Self-Love
Living to please others is a sign of empathy, but it also signifies that our sole “purpose” in life is to do what others want because something is ‘wrong with us.’ That’s why the first step to ending people-pleasing is being secure in our self-worth and understanding that we deserve what we need. While we might have incorrect or misguided behaviors, we are individuals who deserve love, affection, and respect.
Self-Care
In connection with the above, recognizing our value gives us the opportunity and generates the commitment to take care of ourselves, our bodies, our diet, our mental health, and our personal and physical spaces. Engaging in activities that nurture your well-being and self-esteem is a good form to do it.
Self-Awareness and Self-knowledge
Other fundamental tools for addressing people-pleasing are Self-Knowledge and Self-Awareness. Understanding what we need, what we want, our limitations, and unhealthy behaviors, as well as our talents and potential, helps us love ourselves as we are. This enables us to seek out places, people, situations, and activities where these aspects are acknowledged and respected.
Learn about Inner Work HERE!
Boundaries
Learn to set clear boundaries by saying no when necessary. Understand that saying no doesn’t make you selfish; it’s an act of self-care and self-respect.
Assertiveness
When you learn how to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and respectfully, you defend your needs and prevent that ball of resentment and discomfort from growing within you, as you’ve taken the responsibility to uphold what you need, and you no longer expect others to do it for you.
Practice assertive communication to express yourself without being aggressive or passive.
Authenticity
Each person is different with their own preferences, potentials, traumas, and challenges. However, that doesn’t mean we should suppress our individuality or desires to fit in, be loved, or accepted. Embrace your uniqueness and authenticity and recognize that your worth isn’t tied to how much you please others; it’s about being true to yourself and giving your talents to the world.
Healing from people-pleasing is a journey that involves self-discovery, self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth. By understanding the roots of people-pleasing behaviors, challenging negative beliefs, and prioritizing self-care, you can step into a more empowered and fulfilling life—one where your actions align with your true self!
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